Simon Sinek first introduced me to the concept of “Why” many years ago with his Ted Talk “How Great Leaders Inspire Action” including his explanation of “The Golden Circle.” That talk inspired me to read many of his books including “Start with Why”; “Why Leaders Eat Last”; and “Find Your Why.

In summary, great teachers and researchers like Sinek have demonstrated again and again that our core identities drive everything thing we do. Whether we are aware of them or not. Which begs the question: What is my identity and at my core, “why” do I do anything? (See more on this topic in late March 2021 posts.)

So when a close friend sent out an invitation for loved ones to share insights on marriage, for his soon to be married daughter and her fiance’, I immediately turned to traveling through self inquiry down the “Why” path.

Below is a portion of the piece I shared with the engaged, young couple:

The needs for love, companionship, security, friendship, intimacy, partnership, family and financial considerations can all be met by commitments other than marriage.  These may be fulfilled through one person, or a combination of relationships.  But marriage is not an absolute requirement.

”There has to be something more.  Some calling, yearning, connection, celebration or shared vision, that brings you say to each other and the world, “Til death do us part.”  Find THAT, and you won’t be looking around later for it from somewhere outside of your marriage. Understanding one’s own core draw to become part of the legal and timeless commitment of marriage will be extremely valuable when all of the other peripheral reasons fall apart.  And they will.  

When studying the work of Simon Sinek and others, I have generally applied their findings in the arena of my spiritual and professional paths. I never really thought about how beneficial it could be to throw them up against a relationship, or a major life decision like marriage. This exercise was a great reminder that all choices are worthy of considering our intrinsic drives so we can clearly understand what we want. Getting clarity on that, is the first step in actually creating it.

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