I like to think that I have something in common with Bill Gates: He is constantly reading several books at a time, and so am I. This may be the only likeness I have to him but it’s true! At any given time I am sifting through both hard cover and audio books, on my nightstand, next to my Yoga mat, on my walks in my earbuds and even in my purse (Yep! I have a copy of Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach in there right now!)
I try to consistently gain Wisdom from all the teachers/authors who have been willing to capture what they have learned in a book of some kind, and then share it for our benefit. I am always fascinated by the overlapping of Ancient Wisdom and Modern Science when it comes to closing the gap between how we are showing up, and what we are capable of. As an Optimize Certified Life Coach my goal when working with anyone is to take a hard look at this gap, and strategize on how to make it smaller.
Certainly Wisdom helps us do this. And Wisdom is a little like food in that it can come in a million different forms, tastes, textures and nutrients. But the essence of Wisdom like most food, is nourishment for our benefit (unless you are on the MAD – Modern American Diet in which case get help with that!)
So yes, I feel like I have acquired some Wisdom and also, like it is a work in progress. But when it comes to going from theory to practice I have aggregated and compounded years of Wisdom and still, can produce a fervent knee jerk reaction to information, with the best of them. Not something I am proud of, but there you have it – the realization of just how hard it is to apply what we have learned to our daily lives. Despite accepting the “Wisdom” that ‘All will always be well’ I can get just as torqued up by ‘bad’ news as anyone!
Here’s what happened: Our Son Zach requires 100%, 24-7 supervision for his health and safety. At his age of nearly 23 years we are looking at around 8400 days (23×365) that have required either my own care, or that of a specially trained and managed caregiver/nurse. That’s a lotta days. And as they have passed, we have worked with some miraculous and truly Heaven Sent, exceptional people! One of them who has worked with Zach for over a decade recently shared an intention to potentially move out of the area. As soon as I heard the words coming I physically moved out of the way, as if I had a choice to let them land, or not.
They landed alright. And this particular caregiver is like a family member to us. We obviously support this person/family, and wish for the best. But what a hole it will leave in our current caregiving system if their relocation does come to pass?!
From nausea to a rapid heart rate I immediately reacted physically to this potential (not even actual) news. I didn’t mediate, or ask questions like I am allegedly trained to do. I didn’t “pause and plan” like Victor Frankl taught us in his New York Best Selling book Man’s Search for Meaning. I simply panicked at the thought, and allowed my narrative to take over, the same annoying one that has been in my head for around 8400 days:
“Oh no! We can’t lose this person! Zach is too attached! We will never find another person so perfect for Zach! How will we work and manage our lives if we can’t find competent, dependable and safe care? And from someone Zach loves?! I am so tired of going through this… why does this always happen?…and on and on.”
Once I have had a chance to put my practice and hard work to the test, I calmly remind myself:
- There is no ACTUAL problem right now.
- We ALWAYS find capable, loving, dependable caregivers, and we will again if we need to.
- Things don’t stay the same, they ALWAYS change.
- Think of the awesome caregivers that we would have missed out on if things DID stay the same!
Now, I’ve got it. I already feel better. I wish I’d have formulated that reaction to begin with: One that was malleable; One that was accepting and expectant of good, coming from the change; One that didn’t feel threatened; One that didn’t send my body’s trauma response in the fight or flight mode.
But alas. I am human! I love remembering that! So let’s keep working hard to acquire Wisdom in whatever forms we find it, from elders, to authors, to nature and yes more books! We can aspire to keep our Wisdom ready at hand, and ‘walk the walk’ when it’s time. In case you have to take a pause before you can process some type of new information and not label it “good” or “bad” just remember, we are human. No way around that simple fact. So cut yourself some slack as you try to ‘walk the walk.’ We humans are all trying to put one foot in front of the other, right by your side.