Since I was a kid, my favorite holiday and time of year has been Thanksgiving. We have hosted dozens of turkey dinners with family, friends, family of friends, friends of family, and loved every minute of it. Especially over the last decade when we lived in a country home with lots of land. We made the most of this day and the guaranteed long Fall weekend that comes around once a year.
Another part of this tradition has been my participation in a local annual meeting of the Insight Meditation group on Thanksgiving Eve. Every Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, we gathered in a church for mediation and teaching by Tara Brach. This was stillness for me, like the calm before the storm. I spent time in deep reflection and gratitude, and then got to work on enjoying the next couple of days.
There is a common Thanksgiving tale that Tara shares each year. And even though I have heard it countless times, it never gets old. Plus, there are always new folks there for the first time who are new to it and its fun to be there when they hear it too! It goes something like this:
It’s the day before Thanksgiving and a long time married couple were wishing they could see there kids for the holiday. But both children live in other states, with their families, big jobs and big lives. So that was not the plan this year. The father of the couple calls their daughter. She answers, then quickly cuts her dad off and says:
“Hey Dad, sorry we can’t make it this year, there is just too much going on.”
He replies:
“Oh honey, I get it. Of course. That’s not why I called. Your mother and I are getting a divorce.”
Daughter then panics:
“What! No, wait, what happened? Are you ok? Is Mom ok? Never mind, don’t move, don’t do anything. I am calling my brother and we will call you right back.” They hung up.
A few moments later the son calls their father and says:
“Dad, listen I just hung up with my sister. A divorce? Why didn’t you say something sooner? We are both on early flights and we will be there by noon. Do not do a thing until we get there!” They hung up.
The Mom of the family then enters the room.
“Hey, I thought I heard the phone ring, is everything alright?”
“Sure is” he replied. “That was our son, the kids are coming for Thanksgiving and they are paying their own way.”
This fun little story is full of some key messages. I will leave it to you to explore them if you are so inspired. But one of them is certainly this idea that we are all pretty good at dropping everything when there is a “crisis” but can’t seem to do it unless there is one. Why is that?
And as we break bread with our chosen Thanksgiving community today, be it large or small, with turkey or with whatever you might be eating together, consider what it is about this day that you especially like: Maybe the food, maybe the tradition, or perhaps just having the day off is enough to make it something to look forward to?
Thanksgiving Day for day for me is about Gratitude. It represents my appreciation for the many Blessings that surround me, the unexpected miracles, the moments of Grace, the choices I’ve made that got me here to today. It is a chance for me to say “Thank You” for life, and also to my loved ones:
“Thank you for being on this path with me. Thank you for loving me through all of it. Thank you that you let me see who you are, what you need and for the chance to stand by you too. We have so much to be grateful for.”
No matter who in our lives is no longer at our Thanksgiving table, no matter what we have had to let go of or what was taken from us, there is always so much to be grateful for. Ideally, we choose to practice gratitude every day (and even most moments of every day!)
But that is not easy when we feel alone, overlooked, ignored or grief stricken. When things around us are unsafe, or withheld, or we are being abused, or our hearts are broken from agonizing grief, gratitude seems like the last these to employ. It is ok to feel resentful instead of grateful.
But, if there is a chance that today is the only day of the year that you can express gratitude, over even one seemingly small thing like having eyes to read this post, please do it. And take notice of how you feel when you do. You may just decide to make “Thank You” a lifestyle.
I am wishing everyone a safe and healthy Thanksgiving! If you are feeling especially grateful, consider making a small food or monetary donation to a local charity this week. Help feed those who do not have family, friends, family of friends, and friends of family to spend the day with. Give them something to be grateful for, too.