Yesterday as I sat getting a haircut I was enjoying the experience of quietly sitting still, choosing to be present and enjoy some pampering. Often our stylists become our friends too, since we entrust them with our personal details over long intervals of time and life. What a treat!
As I looked out the window I witnessed two women embracing in the parking lot. They were near their cars, a short distance from where I was sitting and for a moment I think I was part of their embrace. What I mean, is that the hug I witnessed was so personal, prolonged and connected that I felt as if I might be one of the two women saying goodbye.
My mind instantly went to a girlfriend of mine who’d called me earlier that day to check in. This friend has been “checking in” for 4 decades. We have traveled the longitudinal terrain of growing up, raising special needs children, getting educated, burying loved ones and to greater and lesser degrees, losing our shit and looking to the other, to help us get back on track.
Then I thought of another friend whom I called on my way to the haircut yesterday, a dear friend I haven’t been able to catch up with, aka “connect” with and I let her know she was on my mind. This friend and I share the common horror of burying deceased children, but with two decades of friendship under our belts, we still hold proverbial hands while walking this path. I’d left her a message, hoping we could hike, grab a coffee or break bread together soon.
As I saw the women in the parking lot embracing, I also recalled how intently I last embraced another life long friend, who has literally been a witness to all of the agony and loss that I have endured, and has also found a way to reach me when I couldn’t reach myself. I’d sent her a gift a few days earlier and she let me know how much she was already enjoying it. She too has endured significant loss and I have had the humble experience of being present to her as she has navigated life’s tragedies and triumphs.
Girlfriends are the best. Sorry men/guys, we love you and all, and as a heterosexual female I can say I “Love to Love You, Baby” (thank you Diana Ross) but when it comes to support, our girlfriends bake, take and help us eat the cake. We women need each other like oxygen.
I am grateful to my Mom who demonstrated early on in my growing up that friendships were to be honored, enjoyed and celebrated. She showed me how to truly connect with other women and even when space and time delay that connection, to never let it go. Mom says “There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.” And I believe her.
Tonight I have the pleasure of dining out with two friends whom I have not been able to connect with for far too long. Between them I share another three decades of friendship and my day is completely anchored knowing that I will see them on the back end of a busy schedule.
In a world where we are all grasping to feel connected, anchored, seen and supported, let’s really ponder the gratitude we have for our girlfriends. Even one friend in the world is enough to bring us through the agony and rapture that make up our lifetime.
If you are so inspired, bring to mind a friend you’ve lost connection with and call her! Or him for that matter! I must confess I have some pretty bad ass awesome friendships with men too and for those I am also grateful. The important thing is to continue to feed and nurture these friendships, no matter how far away the people in them may live from you, or how long it has been since you shared that last embrace. If not now, when?
Let us know how it goes by sharing your experience in the comments section. And by all means, hug your friends until they let go of you first.