The concept of the “Eulogy Exercise” originated with Stephen Covey in his powerful and best selling book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Over the years I have heard different ways of approaching it but essentially the idea is to that there is value in spending some time jumping to the future and “looking back” over one’s life in advance.
The exercise is this: You go forward in time, imagine you are at your own funeral. Who is there? What do they say about you? What words are used to describe you, your life, your contributions to the world and what virtues are associated with you?
The goal is (Habit 2 from Stephen Covey:) to “Start with the end in mind,” then work backwards to current day to create a life plan that is consistent with those attributes, virtues and contributions that you value.
Conceptually, working through this (specifically, on paper, or other means of journaling) experience helps capture the details of what you aspire to be. Then, you do a reality check and hold yourself accountable NOW to lead a life that is in alignment with your values.
There is an additional facet of this which Brian Johnson (Optimize.me) refers to as “A Quick Trip to Hell.” In this part of the exercise, you go even further in your Eulogy writing to imagine this: In walks the radiant, accomplished and best version of you. The quick trip to hell is when you are faced with the person you could have been, if you had lived in integrity with what matters to you most.
Turns out most of us want to be our best selves, at least most of the folks I spend time with. When we don’t show up that way consistently (see “Discipline v. Regret” post 2/6/21) there is a price to pay. But when we live consistently with our values, goals and truths, we close the gap between who we are and who we were created to be. This practice itself literally increases self-esteem, happiness and over all well being.
We all have moments of choice. Our habits (not our planning) create our future. As Gary Kellar and Jay Papasan share in their best seller The One Thing: “People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits, and their habits decide their futures.”
Since we get to create our future with the hundreds of choices we make each day, why not lean into choosing to do the things that most resonate with who we are and make sure we don’t take a “Quick Trip to Hell” when we face our last days of life?
Of course, that begs the question: Who are we? What are our core values, what makes us tick? Which choices (career, partner, parenthood, community, spirituality) do we derive Peace from, and which ones keep us up at night?
More on those questions another day, but for now check yourself when you are trying to make a decision. Throw the end goal up against the legacy you will leave when you die. Make sure it fits, or take some small step to move towards closer to the action that resonates with your core.