So many of us attribute our accomplishments, achievements, creativity and special talents to our own doing. We see others underperforming or lacking the discipline it takes to drive progress and make judgments about what they are, or are not made of. The phrase “if it were easy, everyone would do it” comes to mind, as a way to assure ourselves that we are the masters of our fate.
But what if we were behind, before we even got started? What if the life, family, economic structure and geography we were born into, was different? How would that have impacted where we each are today in our lives? Great concept for a longer chat.
For today, I want to share an experience I had pre-COVID while commuting home from WDC. The train ride itself is roughly 50 minutes from city center to my stop in Maryland.
When boarding the train, the idea of not having a seat always meant a long, crowded ride: the kind where I won’t really get hurt if the train stops fast because I am so packed in shoulder to shoulder that we just kind of move together as a group. It was always preferable to carve out my small personal space in an actual seat, than to compete for breathing space and something to hold onto while standing.
This weekday evening, I boarded the train, and it was packed. There was only one seat which had clearly been turned down by other riders. I say clearly because the gentleman adjacent to the vacant plastic seat appeared to be unclean and in fact did have a foul scent, was not in his right mind (as evidenced by self chatter) and definitely someone most riders would shy away from, even if it meant standing the full ride.
When I saw the gentleman I had no judgment. I thought, he’s human just like the rest of us. I migrated to the seat and positioned myself to take up as little space as possible so as not to touch him or anyone else, while sitting.
At the next stop, a woman boarded the train with a young baby in a stroller. The infant gazed around in amazement, looking as bright and hopeful as babys (who are not hungry, tired, or wet) have a propensity to do.
I was instantly overcome by what seemed like a parallel, although starkly contrasted between two spirits: One spirit, at the start of his life with options, dreams, potential, love, protection and security. The other spirit toward the end of his life, worn, poor, weathered by the storms of life.
“What happens?” I asked myself, that changes what seems like an optimistic future of love, security and happiness, to an existence of longing, needing and not meeting even the most basic human needs of food, shelter, security and a hot shower?
Is there not some influence of the environment, our race & gender, economics and geography of the life we are born into, that can erode even the softest of hearts and spirits as young people, resulting in a cascade of life choices that leaves someone homeless, unclean, and seemingly “batshit” crazy?
I am all for personal responsibility. We must each be accountable for moment to moment decisions that shape our existence. But on this day, as I tried to anonymously emanate love and blessings to the rider next to me, I couldn’t help but wonder: Had this man next to me, been born to that Mom, in that life (referring to the young infant rider), would his life have brought him to this same place?
Though my internal question was met with a resounding “No” it only led me to become more curious about the role our birth lottery plays in our lives. The next time you notice someone down and out, try to imagine being that person, send them love, and then sit in gratitude that although tragedy may have befallen your life at different times, you (likely) have a home, a family, a meal and hot shower.
Judging others for whatever reason, is only judging ourselves. If the birth lottery had drawn me a different number, that could have just as easily be me sitting in the chair next to the once empty seat. In which case, I would need all the love I could find.