As self anesthesia options go, there is no limit to our choices: We can eat, drink, gamble, sleep, shop, dramatize, watch and play, just about any of our feelings away. I didn’t always have the awareness that I was, at times oscillating among different options all resulting in the same outcome: being checked out.
Sometimes I would make great food choices consistently, but was also watching too much TV. Or when I could turn the TV off, I spent excess time making plans. Some seasons included too much wine, or chocolate, or Amazon cart purchases. The thing they shared in common was they were all distractions. I thought they were flaws of mine, but actually it was more like a phone ringing that I was trying to silence.
But I do have the insight now. I know that anything we are doing, to pull our attention away to anywhere but here, is a numbing agent. We all have them. Some worse than others. And they can all get us down a rabbit hole and keep us from what matters, if we don’t find some balance and even discipline when needed.
A few years back I was listening to Brene’ Brown talk about a session she’d had with her then therapist. Brene’ is sober for many decades, in addition to being a former smoker. She is open about her issues with different anesthesia options (banana nut muffins and binge watching Downton Abbey included) and hearing her speak so freely about them has been inspiring for me. I am reminded that the judgment we assign to our behaviors is usually much more toxic than any one numbing choice we made consciously, or in reaction to some stimulus.
Back to Brene’. She was describing a session where she told her therapist about some numbing agent she was trying to avoid – maybe baked goods (I can’t actually recall what it was.). And in response, her therapist said something along the lines of (paraphrasing) “You know what you need to do Brene’, you need to let it go.”
Brene’s response, something like “Seriously? You want me to give up sugar? I already don’t drink or smoke, and I haven’t been eating white foods for several weeks! Don’t I get to keep anything? Giving that up too is Iike telling a turtle to stay in the briar patch without its shell!”
Her therapist responded, with a statement that changed my life. She said instead of carrying shells, that maybe Brene’ should “Get out of the briar patch.”
How about you? Are you numbing up to survive a relationship you know is over? A job you have outgrown? A body that you are ignoring? A creative book project waiting to come out of you?
Next time you are trying to kick some anesthesia (aka bad habit) out of your life, ask yourself if the habit is the problem, or if the environment itself needs to be considered. Spoiler alert: This can be a terrifying undertaking. Don’t be surprised if your bad habits actually multiply, before you have the courage to look around.