In this culture of “Hallmark Holidays” Mother’s Day is not one. Taking a day to reflect on and express love and gratitude for our Mothers is a Divine, intentional pause we take to honor, whatever there is about our Mothers, to celebrate.

The relationship I have with my own Mom is Sacred to me. Having said that, I am regularly aware that not everyone has a Mom that means to them, what mine means to me. She makes it easy with her love, generosity and care. I realize some Moms don’t make it easy. Some are down right cruel, neglectful and abusive.

Some Moms are just M.I.A. Whether they are obsessed with work, or working out, or vodka, or a relationship, they just don’t engage with their children the way, their children might wish they did. Some made the decision to place their children’s lives in the hands of adoptive Moms, or worse, maybe their child was removed from them because whatever their obsession is, a court decided they were “un-fit” by law.

Yet, Mothers are still Sacred. It is a Universal condition, that every single being on the planet has in common. We all have only one birth mother. And that one woman gave her physical body over (voluntarily, or under protest) to the creative process long enough for our infant bodies to become manifest. As sure as I am writing these words, and you are reading them, we all share this bond with some woman, some where. This fact is unique and universal, each person has one woman that at some point, did what was needed, to allow us to come forth, through them.

Back to Hallmark Holidays. It is laughable that we need to announce one “day” to be grateful for this exclusive connection we have to the woman that birthed us. Even if we don’t know her. And yet, somehow we can get lost in the details of how this day “should” go.

Brunch, flowers and cards all seem to fit this second Sunday in May, on an annual basis. But unfortunately I see many with a tendency to allow this day to remind them of what their Moms are/were NOT, rather than the bond itself.

Since there are so many boxes for the role of Motherhood to check, there are no perfect Moms. It seems like this day that was designated to bring gratitude and awareness to the presence of Motherhood (as well as revenue to the gross national product) may bring more pain, than love.

We may have a tendency to spend our thoughts around it focusing on how our own Mom failed us, didn’t show up, hurt us or abused us. Instead of looking forward to brunch, we maybe stuck in our own refrains about how we were victimized or let down or how we are still angry about what they did, or didn’t do.

While there is no question that the pain of those experiences is real, and I sincerely empathize for the feelings that resulted from actual abuse, neglect and flat out “wrong” behavior, it doesn’t change the indisputable fact that every single one of us can be grateful for the (at the very least) ONE thing our mothers did do for us: they had us.

I am beyond humble that I have been blessed with the relationship that exists between my Mom and me. Mother’s Day does have its complications for me, like any Mom who has buried their own children. I have a choice though. I can focus on my losses. I see tomorrow’s day through my own eyes, my own role as a Mother, what I did and didn’t get to do, how it affects me.

Or, alternatively I can at a minimum, take a few quiet moments to reflect and give thanks, for the same thing that all of us can tomorrow. We have a mom. For better or worse, she did one thing that no one else did, or can ever do for us. She delivered us.

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