I’ve noticed a common conversation topic that comes up frequently among family, friends and colleagues around this time of the New Year. Whether someone is making an attempt at “Dry January” (aka no alcohol) or a new diet or exercise program many of us have a sense that this is a good time to reel it in. And by reel it in, I mean starting to recover all the self-care habits we let slip away in the name of “holiday” time.
If you are someone who has unbreakable habits and stays in the same regimen of fundamental self-care routines regardless of what is happening or what holiday our culture is reminding us to celebrate, I aim to espouse this skill! Awesome! If you don’t eat too much or drink too much or spend too much when that is the habit of most members of our culture, congrats. If you have any suggestions for the rest of us we’d love to hear them!
In the meantime, I’m wearing my January Jeans. They’re the ones that were loose just before Thanksgiving but now the only ones I can comfortably wear. I could get frustrated, depressed even that I may have gone overboard indulging in this or that. But I don’t bother with such nonsense. I know that when we let go of our self-care habits in small ways and in big ways, we have to know that this is just the nature of being human. We must not judge or scold ourselves for participating in life. That’s why we are here.
But it’s easy to drop the ball, and quite a bit more difficult to get it back into play. The conversations I have heard lately range from confessions of overspending, to over-consuming, not sleeping or resting enough and “letting go of things.” We have eaten more than our bodies need. We have spent money carelessly. We have slept late, watched movies, gone into food comas, and watched football until we couldn’t stay awake. All good.
But how do we get back into our regular jeans? We know theoretically that we need to decrease whatever it is that we overindulged in. If we want to get “back” to our fairly manageable lives as we knew them before Thanksgiving, before we went off the self-care rails, we’ve got to get with the program.
But this begs the question: “What is your program or do you have one?”
Our culture knows that many of us are thinking about change. It’s a profitable season for industries to prey on vulnerable folks who just want to get back to normalcy after the hustling and bustling of the holiday season. Maybe you have noticed an increase in promos to consolidate debt, lose weight, and exercise?
Recently, a new advertisement appeared in my email in the form of a promotion for belly surgery. Called something like “body sculpting” it actually refers the cutting of our bodies with the hopes of looking better, aka, to conform to societal pressures. Our culture even has us thinking that we ARE our bodies. When I saw the promo I thought: “Sure, let’s pay someone to cut us with a knife, that is kind and loving toward ourselves, great way to kick off the New Year!” NOT.
Advertisers know that we are all primed for doing things this month, that we normally wouldn’t consider before, but we might just be desperate enough today, to respond unconsciously by clicking on the “Purchase” or “Schedule Appointment” icons. Mercifully, by By Valentine’s Day we mostly have our senses back and are not as likely to fall for the scams. But they are everywhere, especially right now.
If you answered “Um, I do… I mean I usually… I mean… well… um, No, I don’t have actually have a program per se” to the earlier question posed, that’s awesome! It means we have something to work with. Big change is the result of small, incremental gains, over long periods of time. There is no express lane to restoring our health, our bank accounts or relationships that may need attention. But there is a local lane, which doesn’t move as fast. When we choose this lane, slow and steady can win the race.
We don’t need a “big” plan to achieve personal restoration. Which is probably a good thing because there isn’t one. We simply need to start making the smallest of decisions that are in support of our own well-being. We don’t need a new diet or a payment plan or a 3 month gym membership. Those things keep us thinking in the future, and everywhere but we the place we actually live, which is in the current moment.
Instead of sharpening our skills at getting seduced by promises of short-term, high-yield results, we need only let all of that nonsense go and get present. (Repeat every moment until we take our last breath.) When we are in THIS moment, we can intentionally choose our response, rather than automatically reacting. Inquiry can look something like:
- “Is this thing I am about to do, eat, purchase, or CUT going to bring me closer to my true nature, or further away from it?”
- “Is this investment I am about to make, whether financial, physical or emotional, something that I’d suggest a friend to do in my same position?”
- “Have I been here before? If so what did I choose then, and how did it work out for me?”
Internal inquisition is the not the express way to restoration, it’s the slow lane. Slow and steady always gets us back with the program. One yard at a time, we will slowly move the ball up the field. No short-term, high-yield plans actually deliver what they promise, and WE KNOW THIS.
But we forget. So I am writing about my January jeans to remind us that we are smarter this year. We are kinder to ourselves than that. We don’t have to go down the self-loathing inspired paths of plans for the future by committing to resolutions like:
- “This year I will exercise every day.”
- “This year I will make a million dollars.”
- “This year I will update all of my passwords!” (No one ever does this but we talk about it a lot!)
Instead, we need only check in with ourselves. Spoiler alert: I suggested checking IN, not checking OUT. We need to get curious about what we do before we do it, in the moment that we are actually in. If something is not in our best interest, we may still choose it. And that is not a problem, if we do so while we are awake.
As long as we are conscious, we can make informed decisions: Either to indulge in doing the thing that is not in our best interest, or conversely to choose the thing that is. Even in conscious decision making, we may decide to indulge or act, anyway. We have our reasons. But if we do, we can do so intentionally and fully aware of what we are choosing in that moment. When we choose either behavior we choose the consequences and must then accept responsibility for the outcomes no matter how deleterious. But let’s make sure we actually take that step, and check into the current moment so we can adequately exercise our ability to decide what to do.
NOW is the only time we can make decisions consciously. Not later. Not in the morning. Not next week. Not Monday. Only in this moment. And since things are constantly changing, we need to continually remind ourselves to be conscious so we have all the current info we need when making decisions on what to do next.
For today, let’s repel the January scams! If a thing seems too good to be true, it is.
If you or anyone you know would like to talk about installing a personal plan for restoration in 2023, I invite you to set up a complimentary 1:1 appointment in my calendar found here: https://lisamcfarland.com/collaborate/
And in the meantime for goodness sake get into your comfy January jeans or whatever you wear that feels most like being yourself. No need being uncomfortable when getting conscious and making decisions.