I have a fun trip planned at the end of the month. Finally! I am traveling post COVID to one of my favorite parts of the country. I was asked yesterday how excited I am, on a scale of 1-5, about the trip. I had to pause before attempting to answer.
When I think of excitement for a future event, I think of a child-like awe, anticipation, of some future Joy that is guaranteed. For example, as a young girl I got “excited” about Christmas, usually right after Thanksgiving. When I went to college, I was “excited” to graduate. When I got my first job, I was “excited” for payday!
But given all the work I do to remain present, and find equanimity in all that transpires, my sense of future Joy has evolved also. What I know for sure is that nothing lasts. Which I find to be both a bummer, and also a huge relief, depending on whether I am in a happy place or a hell place.
Since all things are transient, I have come to understand that looking forward to a future event, or back at an event that has already happened (whether “good” plans/memories or “bad”) is a sort of time travel that robs me of the current moment and experience of what is actually happening around me, now.
I try not to time travel, since no matter what memory I am revisiting, or trying to create in the future, will come and go regardless. I try instead to be open to all of it. “Who brought the fun one?” You may be asking. And the truth is yes, it may seem like I am not “fun” or “exciting” if I can’t wander off into the future imagining how awesome it will be!
But on the flip side, when I am there, I will really BE there. As while I am here, I am really here. And unlike some of my travel companions who may remark at the end of a vacation “I feel like we just got here” I can smile quietly and think “Not me. I have been here the entire time.”
Having said all of that, my answer is 5/5! I AM Super excited for my trip. There is nothing wrong with knowing something fun is on the horizon, as long as we don’t trade in the fantasy of that for what we are doing right now.