After writing the post on sleep, I literally got to experience first hand, the dynamics I mentioned.
I said I never turn down a good night’s rest – and the caveat was “when I have a choice” (given my role as mom of a special needs son). That night, I did not have a choice, Zach was exceptionally anxious. Although normally (and mercifully) he is a solid sleeper, we had plans for his God Parents to visit the next day. We hadn’t seem them in roughly three months and Zach was so excited he couldn’t sleep.
Zach first woke me at 2:11am: “What’s the plan?”
Me: “Go back to bed its night time.”
Zach: “Who’s coming over tomorrow?”
Me: “You tell me.”
Zach named the anticipated VIPs and the conversation repeated dozens of times mixed with momentary intervals of sleep, between 2am and 7am like a song that just kept playing. I couldn’t really blame him, I was also extremely happy they were coming. I was not happy though, being up all night knowing I wouldn’t feel so hot for their visit.
But fortunately these are the type of friends who understand our lives, and Zachary. So when I shared how tired I was, they got it. They didn’t mind me in sweatpants, curling up on the sofa while we played catch up on the last 3 months. We had a great visit and best of all, Zach was so joyful!
Fast forward to last evening, and returning to the topic at hand: Doing the thing I knew I needed to do: Sleep. Thing is, we need discipline for adequate sleep, same as with other self care fundamentals (eating, moving, sleeping, breathing). They don’t happen on their own. I was so tired last evening the thought of getting ready for bed was overtaken by my horizontal, cozy position on the sofa.
If I started thinking about going to bed early, and turning off whatever inputs I was escaping to via Netflix also meant the conclusion of the weekend was inevitable. It meant facing the work day/week and the stress that comes with it.
But I know this dynamic well. And when I least “feel” like doing the best thing for myself, in this case getting to bed, I know it is more important than ever to do exactly that. I stood up and applied the discipline it takes to move into bedtime routine, and got it done.
I slept a solid 8.5 hours. I feel energized and ready to show up fully in all of my roles today. When it comes to doing what’s best for myself, it is almost never a lack of knowing what “that” is. But almost always a lack of actually making the choice to do it, then executing.
Having woken up many a Monday, not rested, I know all too well the suffering that comes with starting the week exhausted. Drawing on that repeated, predictable negative experience helped inspire me to fast forward and realize, Monday morning was coming regardless. It was up to me how I would show up for it.
Here’s to doing the thing we KNOW we need to do for ourselves (and others) over, and over, and over again. Choose the behavior, choose the consequence!